Luminary

A space for support for estrangement of adult children. Find truth, light and healing.

Hello,

My name is Babett Horn. I am a wife, married 33 years to my husband Eddy. Together we have three beautiful daughters, two sons-in-law and five amazing grandchildren. I am also an author and speaker. Although I am an author, blog publishing is new to me. I am very excited to take this new path and watch what God will do!

Let me start by sharing my “Why” with you. Why am I publishing blogs? I sense there is a shadow hoovering over many families. It brings darkness, silence, confusion, shame and guilt. It often isn’t talked about and those I have spoken with say they thought they were the only family walking through this. What am I referring to? The Estrangement of Adult Children. Chances are you or a family you know is facing this very catastrophic global phenomenon. According to the Cornell Chronicle, the book titled, “Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them” by Karl Pillemer in a large-scale national survey 27% of Americans 18 and older had cut off contact with a family member. That’s roughly 67 million people nationally! Those statistics qualify this as a Social Epidemic!

My goal here is to speak mainly to parents and grandparents who have been cut off. I will expose the Go No Contact social media trend. We are facing a psychosocial cult grooming echo chamber that has sucked adult children into its vortex. If this is calling to you because you are part of the 67 million then you see, you are not alone. Your heart ache and ambiguous grief is seen and heard.

I am a follower of Jesus. Not perfect in my practice of faith, but I am answering the call to support and bring light to the darkness of this subject. I have named my blog site Luminary. Here is the definition.

Luminary: A person who inspires or influences others.

My greatest desire is to inspire and influence with positivity. This is based on the Bible verses in Ephesians 5: 13-14 When anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is illuminated.

In order to see clearly through this mental, emotional and spiritual assault on families we have to be willing to bring it into the light, to talk about it, admit what is happening in our family and seek support. I plan, with Holy Spirits guidance, to bring references and conversations with professionals into this space and to allow you to share your story. Not to receive professional help but to gain perspective. We are not going to shame our adult children or manipulate. This is not the space to learn how to control the situation. This is a place to gain insight and learn how we as parents can fight this through truth and prayer. I believe the more knowledge we have the better our understanding and the more detailed our prayers will be. Amen?

With the invitation to share our stories I’ll start. On Father’s Day of this year our daughter was silent. That alone was a red flag. My husband heard nothing from her. The Friday prior to Father’s Day we had all been together roasting hot dogs and eating ice cream in our backyard. We were celebrating the end of the school year. There was lots of laughter and even plans for a “cousins’ sleepover” the following weekend. When Sunday came and went with no communication with our daughter we wondered what was going on. Simultaneously, my daughters and I have had a group text going for years. The interaction from her was very minimal for several days after Father’s Day. By Wednesday my husband messaged her asking if he had offended her. The reply to that message was absolutely the most confusing step into darkness we have ever experienced. He was told that she had childhood trauma that triggered her on Father’s Day and we were toxic and she needed boundaries and that she didn’t feel he deserved those three words, “Happy Father’s Day”. While sending that to him she was still acting as if things were fine in the group chat. I decided to take myself out of the chat so I didn’t say something I would regret. She saw this as shutting her out. When I tried to explain what her message to her dad had caused in me, the anger, hurt, confusion, my thoughts and feelings were completely dehumanized. On June 28th a very indepth group text was sent to me, my husband and our other daughter via our son -in-law. Our daughter had requested he send it and she let us know that from now on all communication was to go through him. We could only message if there were emergency situations. In the message we were told we could not have access to our grandchildren. The entirety of the message used very clinical language. Most of it didn’t sound like her. Along with this she posted on her social media that she had walked away from her family. If anyone had questions they were to go to her not us. This turned our worlds upside down. Because of family dynamics with our son-in-law being an only child and his mom living in another state, the 7 family members closest to our grandsons were suddenly ripped away from them. We have asked on 2 occasions for a sit down meeting. We have offered to let them choose when and where and have offered for them to have a mediator or therapist present of their choice. We are met with silence.

As I mentioned earlier her message sounded clinical. The use of the phrase go no contact seemed scripted. That is what plunged me into this deep dive of estrangement. You may read some of your story in ours. I encourage you to speak it out. Speak up. Together we can bring light the shadows. Continue to read my blog as I uncover more truth of the harmful trends that are systematically destroying families.

I will not end my first blog on a negative vibe. Here is a prayer I wrote for all of us luminaries as we carry the light and walk with less darkness.

Prayer of Illumination

Lord,

Illuminate the path before me as I walk through the shadows of estrangement.

Shine your light on what I cannot see-Truth, understanding and the quiet work You are doing in every heart

Help me to see my child not through pain, but through Your eyes of mercy.

Guide my words, guard my heart and let Your peace illuminate even the dark spaces between us.

Amen

Ephesians 5:13,14 everything exposed by the light becomes visible-everything illuminated becomes light