Luminary

When Families Cut Ties

Also described as Oprah Explores the Rising Trend of Going No Contact with Your Family

Oprah Winfrey Podcast released November 25, 2025

Accessible via YouTube

I will be 100% honest, I DID NOT want to listen/ watch this podcast.  Unfortunately, I literally judged the book by the cover, which is a terrible thing for an author to do! The very title made the hair on the back of my neck bristle. This is a sensitive topic for me, as it is for so many families.

However, because of the widespread attention this topic is receiving I felt it was important to put my personal bias aside and make some mental and emotional space to watch unprejudiced. I am glad I did.  I will share with you some of my takeaways. But I highly recommend if you are walking through estrangement, please take the time to watch it. You can view it on YouTube. I felt it was balanced and seeing it gave me an opportunity to watch body language, facial expression and hear voice tone at the same time. Can you tell I am an immersive individual?

If you have watched it, or will watch it, please leave a comment. I would really like to engage in a conversation.

Let’s start with a fact shared by Oprah, “One-third of American families are estranged”. Wow that seems like a lot.  Does this lend towards the thought it’s a trend? Definitely. But is it a trend like 1970s Hippy movement or the 90’s grunge band? Not exactly. Although the Peace, Love, Let it Be Hippy trend did actually cause a revolution. So maybe Going No Contact is a bit like that. Why in the world would I say that? This current movement has evolved because information and social norms have begun again to shift.  Like in the 70’s, suddenly people are feeling brave about questioning authority. Redefining once accepted social rationales such as,” They are family”, “But you only have one mom”, etc.  Reframing definitions of these once socially accepted behaviors has led to a generation of adult children who choose to walk away.

My questions are, “Is this excessive?” It seems like it is becoming the “thing” dare I say “trend”? Can we explore how social media influences it? How can so many families be affected? Why does it seem to follow a pattern? We hear the same repeated phrases such as, protecting my peace, setting boundaries, my own mental health, etc.

The panel of experts that Oprah interviewed on the podcast were Dr Joshua Coleman, relationship expert and author, Lindsay C.  Gibson, clinical psychologist and author, Nedra Glover Tawwab, mental health therapist and writer.

In my nonexpert opinion, they were all very honest, informed, balanced and wise. I can’t say I agreed 100% with everything said though I do appreciate the insight.  Much of what was said gave me views and thoughts to reflect on. I value being able to walk away from an experience with the chance to build on my understanding. Even if it means tearing down some of my previous ideas.

One of the important things I have reflected on was said by Dr Coleman when he mentioned that social media has exacerbated the issue. I can’t agree more. Trust the science, right? Algorithms within our online society practically regurgitate the topic. Not only social media but AI. Engage with ChatGPT on the subject of relationship strain with family and it doesn’t take very many interactions before Go No Contact is introduced. I experimented with it and found this to be true.

Another thing he said was, “They don’t know you”. This is a mic-drop statement! Adult Children are using AI and social media platforms to gain therapeutic advice but there’s no real family dynamic context. They don’t know you!

Another quote from Dr Coleman, “We are a divided society. We need to figure out how to talk as families.”

He called some therapist “Detachment brokers” who are diagnosing parents without knowing them.

Dr Lindsay C Gibson spoke of the need to detach or estrange when there is clear areas of control. However, she didn’t define what psychotherapies are calling control. I think it’s imperative that we have an understanding of what these influencers are using to explain experiences of childhood. Even Dr Coleman said,” We have expanded views and broadened terms” This seemed in context with terms like toxic, abuse, neglect and narcissism. Ok, what are the new views? What have you broadened the terms to mean?

What Dr Nedra Tawwab added to the conversation gave me reason to pause.  In brief she asked, “Why aren’t they coming? If we have asked our estranged child to have a discussion with us, why, do they refuse?

Could it be we, as a parent, as a person, have a strong way of engaging? Do we have stronger energy than we realize?  She added that this isn’t a bad thing, but it may need some self-reflecting.

For me it made me think, “Is this true of me”. Remember earlier I said I was an immersive person. Well sometimes that serves me well. In my art, writing, experiencing contemplative moments. But maybe it’s overwhelming when I want to have a discussion with my daughter. I’m totally willing to look at that about myself.  

Dr Tawwab also suggested admitting in a conversation that we both did something, and a hard conversation is needed. It’s not ever one side. I must agree with that 100%.

A jewel of a concept made by Dr Gibson is the need for Role vs Relationship. What I understood of that was, not demanding respect or even relationship simply because of our biological connection. Perhaps some relationships aren’t possible to be mother/daughter etc.  This is a subject I need to go deeper into. I haven’t quite wrapped my head around it. I think of Abraham and Lot. They couldn’t function within their biological or even social cultural structure, and they went separate ways. (Bible reference Genesis 13.)

Here’s something I have struggled with since our daughter chose to Go No Contact. Dr. Coleman touched on it briefly. Why are parents expected to be everything? When I was raising my kids through the 90’s and early 2000’s we did what we could with what we had. AGAIN not talking about physical abuse or intentional mental emotional abuse and neglect. I’m feeling like I was expected to be a psychiatrist, developmental expert, neuro specialist etc etc etc. The professionals didn’t even understand what some kids were experiencing. Good parents who knew something was just “off” did what we could. We read the books, but there weren’t many out there. We sought pediatricians’ help. We sought educators’ help. We didn’t have social media, TikTok, or even Google. Remember Ask Jeeves??? However, now our adult children use the broadened view of the term neglect to blame us for not getting them the proper help or diagnosis. How is this fair? Well, it isn’t. Nothing about this trend is fair. It’s unjust to the parents, the adult children and the grandchildren. Everyone loses. Like Kendall Williams of Mums True Tea asked on the Oprah podcast, “Why are parents demonized, and adult children celebrated for cutting off ties”? Good question Kendall!

Dr Coleman shared his own experience of having his daughter cut off ties for three years. They have since reestablished their relationship but one of the issues he discussed with her during their time of reuniting and understanding one another was; Why didn’t she see the loving efforts? I ask that question too. It seems the Estranged Child is encouraged to only focus on experiences that they felt they were wronged in. Because they felt that way, it must be true and nothing else matters. It’s very black and white thinking for a generation that hates black and white thinking.  For our personal situation I can’t understand why all the good is erased. There just seems to be question after question with this cutting ties trend.

This may lead me down a rabbit hole but stay with me. Two reasons I am hearing from families as to why adult children have decided to Go No Contact are Politics and Religion. (Sound like the 70’s to you?)  I’m very curious to know why a man who you’ve likely never met, who sits in the Oval office is given so much power that it determines who you stay in relationship with? Track with me, yes, the President is a powerful national leader. I get it if you don’t agree with his policies. I don’t agree with many of them. I’m a conservative Christian and even I stood in a protest locally against the administrations efforts to wipe out historical bits of our National Parks. I get it. But my wonderings are, where was he when my child needed someone to advocate for her at three years old so she could receive the speech and delayed emotional development support she needed? Where was he when she felt overwhelmed with mainstream schooling, so I homeschooled? Where was he when she was 12 and went through a scary medical diagnosis that needed surgery? Where was he when friends became enemies and she needed protection? Where was he when she wanted to play drums, so we bought the rhythm sticks and encouraged her. Where was he when she had parts in the high school play or choir or church presentations? He didn’t sing her to sleep at night or read her favorite story over and over. He didn’t take her to the Grand Canyon or NYC or Niagara Falls. See where I’m going here? I could literally make a novel out of the wonderful things we did as parents but for some reason , a man who will likely fade away in the distant future has the power to end family relationships. Make it make sense.

I’m not going to address the religion factor in the blog post yet. I still need time to process some of that. If you have experiences to share, please do! Please comment. Pros or Cons. I’m totally willing to listen.